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A Conversation with Eris, part IV:

PCtG: Eris? Eris, are You there? I wanted to say something. . .

*sound of flushing*

Eris: What do you need, Green? Sorry to take so long, I was indisposed. You haven't been waiting long, have you?

PCtG: No, not long.

Eris: I'm sorry. You just come to call so rarely that I really wasn't expecting it!

PCtG: Yeah, I should really do it more often. You have a nice place here.

Eris: Thanks! I've worked pretty hard on it. Hephestus was just here last week. He put in that new chandelier and put in a new jacuzzi. You should come up and try it! It's got mountains of bubbles right now! And the new soft lighting and sound systems are exquisite!

PCtG: I'd love to, Babe, but, well, I'm on lunch, and it would be a bit unseemly for me to come back soaking wet.

Eris: Awww! But you'd look so *cute* in your white shirt! I'll bet at least one of those office-workers has been dreaming of seeing your nipples!

PCtG: Eris, sometimes Your imagination gets a bit *too* wild for me.

Eris: I know. But I'm like that, baby.

PCtG: Anyway, I don't have a lot longer. The clock ticks, and they'll miss me if I'm not back soon.

Eris: So you said. So, what can I do for you?

PCtG: Actually, this is just me stopping by to say "Thank You".

Eris: Oh? Do you mean I did something right? Or did I miss the usual sarcasm?

PCtG: No, You did everything right.

Eris: *smiling* Yes, I know I did. You don't have to rub it in!

PCtG: Well, basically I wanted to thank You for getting rid of the issues I was having. I'm really not sure how You did it, but I know that after our last conversation it cleared up marvelously.

Eris: So you're no longer jealous?

PCtG: Not in the same way. See, I figure that one can't be jealous of what one never has in the first place. There's too much going on to be doing that, and really, when I look at my own life, it's just that much better.

Eris: Well, tell Hera, Aphrodite, and Athena that they can't be jealous of something they don't have. Blood-sucking bitches, the lot of 'em.

PCtG: Now, now, You aren't dragging me into that! You can have that can 'o worms. Me, I'll not be judging any contests between Goddesses, nor will I comment about the beauty of those three. After all, You're beauty outshines them all, babe.

Eris: Aww. I'll bet you say that to all the Goddesses!

PCtG: Nah, only the ones I believe in.

Eris: You're so sweet, in a crazy, mixed up way.

PCtG: I know. But really, You've been very helpful. Because of that, I wanted to give You this. . .

Eris: Ooh! It sparkles! That's the nicest thing anyone's gotten me in ages! And I mean that!

PCtG: Thanks. It screamed "Eris, Goddess of Strife, Discord, and Cat Herding".

Eris: Amazing how I get new titles like that. . .

PCtG: Careful, babe. You shouldn't drool. It's unbecoming a deity.

Eris: Yeah, but it *sparkles*!

PCtG: I'm glad You like it. Now, I have to get back to work.

Eris: Oh, by the way, that thing you made last night for your stick-in-the-mud patron?

PCtG: For Esus, You mean?

Eris: Yeah, Him. It's really nice. See, there's a difference between me and Him. I get all the press (I love that, don't get me wrong), but you do actual work for Him. It's sometimes like you don't put an effort into our relationship.

PCtG: You've said it Yourself, Dear. "You Discordians are a lazy bunch of good-for-nothin', long-haired-freaky-people who can't dance and don't ever do anything that takes work. I admire that." Do You want us to change?

Eris: No, but I'd like to see a little bit of effort.

PCtG: Sparkles aren't enough effort?

Eris: Well, they are really nice. And they did cost you a bit, I can tell.

PCtG: So what's the issue? I'm unclear on this.

Eris: Well, like I said: you *made* Esus his sacrifice. You put your time and effort into that. This sparklie just kind of caught your eye.

PCtG: Eris, are You looking for me to be more pro-active in our relationship?

Eris: Maybe a little.

PCtG: How about I plan something special for Wellspring?

Eris: Ooh! Like what?

PCtG: I could tell You, but then it wouldn't be a surprise.

Eris: That's no fair. You're just saying that because you have no idea what you're going to do!

PCtG: You're absolutely right.

Eris: So don't tease me!

PCtG: I learned from the best, Babe. Only the best.

Eris: Yeah, I know. And you learned pretty well. But you have a long way to go before you can match me.

PCtG: I'd never dream of trying to match a Goddess. Look where that got Arachne!

Eris: I thought you didn't believe in Athena?

PCtG: I don't, but I certainly believe in You. And I know better than to make a Goddess angry, much less a red-headed Goddess!

Eris: You know, you're a lot smarter than people give you credit for.

PCtG: Um, thanks?

Eris: You're welcome. Oh, look at the time. You're going to be late!

PCtG: And You care why?

Eris: I don't. Ta-ta!

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