Todd Covert asked me to bring some white gas with me to Wellspring
in 2004 so he could use his stove. We started talking about whether he should even bring the bottles for the gas, because of the vapor they may have in them (he's flying from California, and they don't allow
flammable liquids on planes, you know). And this got me thinking.
Oh, you know what happens when I think!
So here's the news story that would probably run if Todd took a couple of empty white gas bottles on the plane:
"DRUID TERRORIZES FLIGHT"
"At 33,000 feet, a leader from the terrorist organization A.D.F. (whose full name is unknown because no one can spell or pronounce it) took a plane hostage today, threatening to set off a bomb on the plane. Also on the plane were 30 children from the First Baptist Grade School of Los Angeles, who were flying to Cleveland to protest what they call the "Devil Music Hall of Fame". Authorities suspect that Todd Covert, (probably an alias used for secret or "covert" operations for the A.D.F. organization), smuggled the
canisters on board on orders from his superiors, the "Mother Grove". Apparently, the
canisters had been used before for dry runs, because they had been emptied of all contents, and he had simply forgotten to re-fill them with their dangerously flammable contents. It was this small slip that led to the capture of this terrorist mastermind and saved the crew and passengers of Flight 1932."
"The A.D.F., known for it's facade of laziness, disorganization, and infighting, has been a harbour for Druid Fundamentalists for years. The "Arch Druid", a shadowy figure who goes by the terrifying pseudonym, "Skip", is the leader of the organization. He does nothing without the express consent of the "Mother Grove", which the FBI reports is a kind of "down to earth UFO cult within the larger scheme of the organization." Despite the fact that there are only 12 people on the "Mother Grove", they pretend to never reach agreement. In private, however, they reach complete consensus in seconds, because each member is under the primary control of the sinister "Skip"."
""Why the A.D.F. chose to send a "Mother Grove" member of such high rank on a suicide mission can only be speculated at this point", said FBI spokeswoman Marsha Deaver. "But we will get to the bottom of this, and this "druidic" cult of fundamentalist terrorists will be destroyed.""
"Each local terrorist cell is called a "Grove", and small cells are called "Protogroves", which seems to be a kind of
euphemism for "Spawn Grove" or "Primitive Grove". Individual workers are called "Sprouts". It is suspected that this terminology is from reading too many science fiction novels by the organization's initial leader, who ruled with an authoritarian bent. He took his name from the bones he crushed on his way to the top of the organization: "Bonewits"."
It would have gotten more prolific, but I was called to a meeting while writing it.
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