Can't Be Myself 
by Watershed 

Slam the door and grab the phone
Like a pistol against my head.
Ask your machine where are you
Damn it never knows.
Did I just leave a message or a suicide note?
Try to suck the words back down my throat
And I don't know how long I can hold out
Hold on, hold on

When I see ya girl I wanna change, 
My clothes, my eyes, my hair, my face,
Gotta get away, so I can be myself
Myself

Now you're staring in the mirror
Trying to see what I see.
Till you don't even recognize yourself
Darting empty bottles and broken glass
All tangled up in you, you
But everyone's got someone they can't have
I got you

When I see ya girl I wanna change
My clothes, my eyes, my hair, my face
I'll be anything, but I can't be myself, myself

I don't know how long I can hold out
I don't know how long I can hold out

Tonight this phone feels like a pistol,
black and cold against my temple
Did I leave a message or a suicide note
(I don't know how long I can hold out)
Suck the words back down my throat
(I don't know how long I can hold out)
Gotta suck the words back down my throat

When I see ya girl I wanna change,
My clothes, my eyes, my hair, my face
And every word that gets away is going off like a cherry bomb

Like a shmuck outta luck
Full of sand in the clover
I'm bendin I'm breakin 
I'm shaking all over
I'll be anything, but I cant be myself, myself, myself

Got me slipping and sliding and tossing and turning
And coming and creaming
And crashing and burning
I'll be anything, but I can't be myself, myself
Myself

The above song has lots of meaning. Once again, we're back to thinking about a particular girl. Or actually, let's rephrase that: we're back to thinking about a couple of girls, one of whom is primary. 

The idea is that I would meet a girl, and I'll do whatever I can to impress her. My feelings about most of this song are very similar to "Love in the Library" by Jimmy Buffett. It's a harmless kind of love that really means nothing, but it is powerful and keeps you awake nonetheless, and drives you crazy, thinking about her and the way things could be.

The key line that differentiates this song from "Love in the Library" is this:

But everyone's got someone they can't have
I got you

I don't know why this particular line gets to me, but I have some theories. This line has to do (to me) with a hang-up on a particular person. Someone where you can't get them out of your head, and there's something that prevents you from acting on the feelings you have.

In short, I suppose that there's someone I can't have, that I really want. And, in the context of the song, I'm too freakin' chicken to say anything, because she won't like the reasons, and there's probably some fear that a) she won't return such feelings and b) the whole situation might blow up and I might do something I really don't want to do.

Content © 2003, Michael J Dangler
Updated on 11/21/2003. Site Credits / Email Me!
Basic site design from ADF.org
(Yes, I stole it!)